Welcome to the Hall of Shame, a place to showcase all the wonderful messages, emails, and other interactions from obnoxious spam people who are too lazy to even make their SEO marketing messages make any sense with the website they're suggesting it for. Enjoy! Full text: "Hello, I came across information about your book on your website and found it very interesting. My company runs LearnDesk, a popular learning website visited by 100 million+ people annually. We offer book authors tools that enable you to monetize your audience. We also provide exposure to a large community of people interested in learning. Using LearnDesk, you can conduct talks, live programs, coaching, organize paid workshops, receive payments, sell recorded content, or distribute content to engage your readers. I would like to provide information on how we can help you monetize and engage your readers. Please schedule a 15-min phone meeting using this link to learn more. Regards Vivek Puri LearnDesk, Inc. 4695 Chabot Drive #200 Pleasanton, CA 94558 +1 (408) 495-8062" First we have a message sent in Fleep! This was the first SEO package type message I've ever received. For my, uh, "book". LOL. Full text: "Hi rainstormsinjuly.coTeam, I hope all is well with you. I discovered your website while looking through a local business directory. But did you know that your website ranks far behind the competition in Google? If you were at the top of Google for the Majority of your targeted keywords, you'd be getting a lot of prospects/new clients every day. You're almost there! Do you mind if I send you a list of impediments that prevent your website from ranking on Google's top pages? Is this something you're interested in? If so, please allow me a couple of hours to send you a no-obligation audit report, quote, and different SEO packages. For further discussion, let's set up a call. I have over ten years of experience in digital marketing, and our association will be a win-win for all. Can I send it to you? I look forward to hearing from you. Kind Regards Brittney Raap Business Analyst. Note: - Our next conversation will be on my corporate Email ID. If you are interested, then reply to us 'Send your Proposal and Price list'" I am now a TEAM. Well, I suppose that's kind of true if you count my wife as the other member, since she fixes up a lot of things for me. I wonder what local "business directory" I'm in. LOL. For some reason I doubt it exists. This was the second one of these I got and the first by email. Full text: "Hi rainstormsinjuly.co Team, Hope you are doing well. I was looking for Keywords and found your website on page 3-4 of Google. If you were on page #1, you'd get so many prospects/new clients every day. Most of your targeted keywords on page #3-5. You're so close! Do you mind if I sent a SEO Packages and Price list of your site to see why you're not on page #1? I can send the past work details in a couple hours. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I have more than 10 years of experience in digital marketing. Can I send it over? Look forward to your reply. Kind Regards Arnold Business Development Manager Note: - Our next conversation will be on my corporate Email ID. If you are interested, then reply to us 'Send your Proposal and Price list'" I got this one not long after the second email. This one promises to help get me new clients! Clients for what exactly, I don't know. I forgot to get this in the screenshot, but the name connected to the email was "Scott" but the email itself ended as being from "Arnold". Full text: "Hi rainstormsinjuly.co Team, Hope you are doing well. I was looking for Keywords and found your website on page 3-4 of Google. If you were on page #1, you'd get so many prospects/new clients every day. Most of your targeted keywords on page #3-5. You're so close! Do you mind if I sent a SEO Packages and Price list of your site to see why you're not on page #1? I can send the past work details in a couple hours. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I have more than 10 years of experience in digital marketing. Can I send it over? Look forward to your reply. Kind Regards Tyler Ironside Business Development Manager Note: - Our next conversation will be on my corporate Email ID.If you are interested, then reply to us 'Send your Proposal and Price list'" This one is straight up identical to the second email, but with a completely different name attached. I have a feeling these people probably don't exist. Full text: "Greetings I'm interested in speaking with you about a business deal I desire to actualize with you. To further explore this possibility, I would like you to contact me via my email address to give you a brief description of my field of work and the project idea. Please contact me using my email address stated below Regards Mr. Ahusaka Gregory Ahusakagregory@financier.com" This one originally contacted me on a font site, then sent the same message to my email. This is the email version. I never followed up to ask what this "business deal" was, for obvious reasons. Full text: "Hi rainstormsinjuly.co Team, I noticed something interesting while going through your website rainstormsinjuly.co. It's apparent that you have used AdWords marketing to promote your business in the past, however, your website does see some organic search traffic here and there. Now, I believe I can help increase that portion of organic traffic significantly at rainstormsinjuly.co. I believe you would like to come top on searches for keywords related to rainstormsinjuly.co... I found a number of SEO issues such as broken links, page speed issues, HTML validation errors, images with no ALT text on your website, that's stopping you from getting that traffic. How about I fix those, and also promote you through engaging content on relevant places on the web (read, social media). I guarantee you will see a drastic change in your search ranking and traffic once these issues are fixed. Also, this is one time.. Is this something you are interested in? If yes, please allow me to send you a no obligation audit report and quote. Hoping to hear from you and take this partnership ahead. Kind Regards, Chris Marketing Consultant PS 1: Please answer our email with “Interested” or “Not Interested” so that we will know the status of your inquiry and act accordingly. If you are interested then I will send more details on our “corporate identity”, “company profile”, “why you should choose us?”, “Price list”, “ " Not sure what else was supposed to be in the PS 1, as it appears it got cut off. A PS 1 also implies a PS 2 at the very least, but there is only PS 1 here. I'm thinking someone's formatting didn't come out right. But I'm sure someone with errors like that would be great to hire for fixing up issues on a website. Also, "revelant places on the web (read, social media)". I can't roll my eyes any harder.